The honeymoon is over

I can officially say that the honeymoon is over, in regards to my healthy eating plan. The initial excitement and motivation have worn down. NOW is when it is hard. NOW is when I need to rely on God’s strength.

April hasn’t been the greatest for me, but it hasn’t been a total failure either. I stopped recording what I was eating for a few reasons, but I won’t whine about it, I’ll just say the main reason: laziness. I had quite an emotional day about 10 days ago. Something happened that really hurt my heart. All I wanted to do was find the closest chocolate and stuff my face. But I stayed strong. I repeated over and over again Psalm 63:5: “You satisfy me more than the richest feast.” I was lacking something that day (and the days that followed) and instead of filling it with food, I prayed over and over again to God to give me strength to get past the temptations. And He did. God is faithful.

While I am glad to say that just yesterday I have started to record my food again (thanks to a new app I downloaded, My Fitness Pal. Its a lot easier now), I am feeling the temptations more now than I did at first. I just like to eat! Ugh. I wish that eating wasn’t one of my favorite things to do, but sadly it is. So now is my test. The temptations are coming every day, so we will see if I rely on God’s strength to get me through these temptations. Because I KNOW I cannot do it on my own

Eating at Restaurants

When you are trying to eat healthier, eating out at restaurants can be tricky. But, it can be done successfully.  I went to lunch with a friend today at Scrambler Marie’s, but I didn’t let that bother me.

You need to choose your meal before you go. Go online, look up the menu, and look up the nutrition info. Granted, not every restaurant offers up that information, but more and more places are doing that.  I would encourage anyone trying to eat healthier to at least dine at a restaurant who offers the nutritional information.

I picked out a salad for my lunch, the Crunchy Orchard Salad, and it was QUITE tasty too!

It has both lettuce and spinach, grilled chicken, apples, mandarin oranges, dried cranberries, pecans, almonds, and my favorite dressing – raspberry vinaigrette. Sadly, I often forget to take my own photos, so this photo from Scrambler Marie’s will have to do. But this was a delicious and filling salad for under 400 calories!

Time for some exercise

Ah. That dreaded “E” word. Exercise. I know that, once I get started, I like it. Starting it is the hardest part. And I’ve been avoiding it, blaming it on the cold & snowy weather we’ve had here in Michigan. I mean, I have made an effort to walk more and just get moving more in general, but really, I need exercise. Enter my old pal, Wii Fit.

So much for my excuse about the weather, huh? I CAN exercise at home. I can do this, and I WILL do this!

You are what you eat. So true.

So, writing on my blog isn’t my top priority. It was a busy week, and blog-writing fell to the wayside. But sometimes, even if I have a spare minute or two, I don’t always know what to write. My journey to a healthier life – physically and spiritually – probably isn’t incredibly interesting to anyone other than myself, and it isn’t even interesting to myself sometimes. But, a couple of interesting things happened this past week.

First of all, I messed up. For work purposes, I attended “The Art of Food” show by GFS at the Novi expo center. Lots of tasty things. Last year, I totally stuffed myself. As in, I think I literally rolled out of there. This year, I was determined to not do the same, nor to mess up my healthier eating habits. At first, I snapped a photo of everything I was putting into my mouth. But, that got old really quick. You see, every 5 feet is another set of food samples for tasting. I didn’t taste everything. And at first, I was being very careful about what foods I chose to sample. But, as time went on, I started making justifications for tasting other things that I know aren’t very good. (Fried Macaroni & Cheese bites, anyone?)  I still didn’t stuff myself like I had originally planned, but I sure ate some things that I shouldn’t have, even if it was just a taste.

The next day arrives. I kind of felt blah in the morning, but I attributed that to the fact that I had done a lot of physical work the night before (moving around boxes of food leftover from the show that was donated to the Salvation Army). But around noon, I thought to myself, why do I feel so crummy today?Then it dawned on me. “You are what you eat.” I ate crappy food the day before, and now I was paying for it, because I certainly felt like crap last Thursday. Let me tell you, its a motivation factor, having experienced that. When you can feel what a difference that crap food makes, it makes you want to stop eating it. A couple of small bites of some fried food and sugary treats made me feel icky all the next day. That’s not worth it. There are plenty of healthier food choices out there that I ENJOY eating that won’t make me feel that way.

The other interesting thing that happened this week, is that I got excited about my meal plan. Okay, maybe that isn’t incredibly interesting, but hear me out. About 2 months ago, I stumbled across a website Shrinking on a Budget. It’s meal plans that are advertised as healthy, quick & easy, kid-approved, budget friendly, and delicious. Too good to be true, I thought, but for only $10 for the year, and each week I would get dinner ideas, lunch ideas, dessert ideas & a grocery list already made, I decided it was worth a try. I admit I wasn’t too into it at first. Between the 4 of us and our food preferences, I think we’re all quite the picky eaters. But I tried a few things, and they were pretty good. The month of March though, I have returned to the idea of meal planning. When meals are planned in advance, you are less tempted to run to fast food or a quick-prep meal with all kinds of preservatives and junk when you think about what’s for dinner. So I plan out meals, and when I’m grocery shopping, I only buy what I need for those meals.

So here’s what I think about Shrinking on a Budget so far. The information I get every week is simple & organized. The meals ARE usually very quick & easy. Even though I am just tracking calories on Sparkpeople and not doing Weight watchers, the WW points are provided, as well as calorie/fat/carb info on everything. And I love that even though every meal might not be considered picky-eater friendly the way it is written, they provide tips for how to quickly adjust it for the picky eaters in your family. I can’t say that I’m spending less than I was before, but that’s because healthy eating does cost a little bit more than buying strictly from the canned & boxed food sections of the grocery store. Thankfully though, the grocery list provided makes grocery shopping a LOT easier for me, and it does still help me from over-spending at the store. I’d recommend Shrinking on a Budget to anyone looking for meal plans! It’s worth the low cost.

A little Scripture to keep me going…

There certainly are some powerful verses packed inside that B – I – B – L – E.  Here are some that provide me with inspiration and hope:

This journey doesn’t have an end

Twice this past week, the pants that I wore felt a little big. That’s such an awesome feeling. Success tastes so sweet. I still don’t know how much I’ve lost. I am going to the doctor tomorrow, so I’ll have an idea, although I can’t know exactly, since I didn’t know my starting weight. I know my weight from several months ago, but then the holiday season happened, and well I am sure extra pounds went on at that time. But I keep telling myself, “I am not defined by a number.” Regardless of what the number says on the scale tomorrow, it will not make or break my day, because I KNOW in my heart already, that I have tasted success.

I have been chugging along on this journey, maybe getting a little too familiar, as I’ve set down my Made to Crave book for almost a whole week. I should have been done reading it by now, but I haven’t. So I picked it up again yesterday. Again, I continue to be amazed by the words that I read….as it is always seemingly what I need to hear.

When people think about the various diets out there, they ask questions such as, what do I have to give up on this plan? We do I have to sacrifice? Ugh. We don’t like that word, sacrifice, do we? I think that is why Weight Watchers is so popular. They advertise that you don’t have to give up all your favorite tasty treats, you just have to count your points and allow yourself room for those tasty things that you don’t want to give up.

But another question we may think to ourselves, “if I make that sacrifice for a season, can I eventually go back to eating whatever I want without regaining the weight?” You see, sacrifice for just a short time seems doable to us. So we hop on that fad diet. But sacrificing until we no longer crave what we gave up? Eek. That takes discipline on a whole new playing field! Is this even possible? On my own strength? No way. I am weak. I am human.  But God’s power revels in our weaknesses!!! I can do ALL things through Jesus Christ who gives me STRENGTH.  Yes, I can, with God’s help, stay on this journey for the rest of my life.

This morning I got caught up on my “Jesus Calling” desk calendar. I really should have kept up, because February 27th entry was surely for me:

“Keep your eyes on Me! Waves of adversity are washing over you, and you feel tempted to give up. As your circumstances consume more and more of your attention, you are losing sight of Me. Yet I am with you always, holding you by your right hand. I am fully aware of your situation, and I will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear.”

Oh yes, tasty temptations have certainly come my way. And its not at all that I’ve been contemplating giving up altogether…but I do experience moments of weakness where I want to eat something and NOT write it down in my online food journal. The hardest part I suppose is trying to justify a tasty treat, because I still have enough calories in my range for the day. It goes back to what I read about in Made to Crave.  I need to get to a point that I am not feeling that I’m sacrificing, that I don’t WANT to eat those things, because I crave a healthy lifestyle and closer relationship with God than some tasty treat.

I cannot wait for that day of victory when I can say that I am at my goal weight. But my journey doesn’t end there. Like Lysa Terkeurst writes in Made to Crave, I cannot wait to be at a place that is not wrought with sacrifice but rather a place where I see healthy choices as overflowing blessings so pure and rich, I’d never trade them.

Success is measured in different ways

I have no clue how much weight I have lost, if any.  But I have been successful. Here’s a few ways that I know:

• I have not ran (oh man, is that proper English?) to any fridge or cabinet during times of heightened emotions in the past 6 weeks.
• I have been recording what I’m eating and tracking calories for the past 6 weeks. (And, with the exception of 2 or 3 days, I have stayed within my target calorie range)
• I have not had heartburn at all in the past 6 weeks, and it used to be a near daily thing for me. Eating better = feeling better.
• A few days ago, Chocolate Cheesecake was right in front of me, and I DID NOT indulge.
• Last week someone told me, “I can tell you are losing weight. I can see it in your face.” Awesome. It’s stuff like that that keeps me going.

Admittedly, while I have been continuing to read Made to Crave, I haven’t been keeping up with the online Bible Study. I gave it a try, but I realized it was simply the book that I was enjoying, not necessarily the online part of it. So, I’m just doing it at my own pace, whenever I get a chance to go online.

Testimony Time

I am on a journey. And, this journey has no end.  No, it’s a not a “weight loss journey” although when I started that’s probably what I would have called it.  Because you know what, I don’t even have a scale in my house.  It’s not about the numbers.  I am not going to let a number on a cheap scale (or the expensive ones at the doctor’s office for that matter) define who I am.

This is a journey in discovering what I was “Made to Crave.”

I am not where I need to be just yet (I am only 5 weeks in) but I have gotten to a breakthrough point. A point where I can tell you about what is going on inside. Yesterday as I was reading my “Made to Crave” book, I came upon this question:

“What if this battle with food isn’t the curse we’ve always thought it to be?”

Double take.  “What if this battle with food isn’t the curse we’ve always thought it to be?” (emphasis mine) Wait, huh? Uh, yes of course I’ve always thought it was curse. I have been cursing my innate desire for chocolate cheesecake for a long time now.

How many times have I gotten caught up in the “It’s not fair” lie? I may think to myself, its not fair that I just LOOK at a piece of chocolate cheesecake and gain 5 pounds, while skinny little so-and-so over there can eat all she wants and never gain a pound.  I may say, its not fair that I have to work SO hard to lose weight (and then KEEP on working hard to keep it off!).  But you know what, that skinny person has her own battles that I know nothing about, I just don’t even know what its like for her. 

God made me the way that I am for a reason. He created me so that I would experience the consequences of bad food choices, so that I would continually be drawn back into HIS arms. God wants me to go to Him for emotional healing and comfort. And if I go to food for that, and never gain an ounce, well then, what would I need God for? There had to be a consequence for me always running to food, otherwise I would have never learned the lesson; I would have never made the decision to run to God when I am at my lowest points.

In thinking about this, I had two songs that came to mind. The first was “Blessings” by Laura Story:

What if our greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst, this world can’t satisfy.

We as humans were designed to have an innate craving. Different people crave different things. I crave food. But others may crave alcohol. Or shopping. Or sex. Whatever. But nothing in this world will satisfy us the way that God will! Let me tell you, I have many “achings of this life.”  That brings me back to that question. What if this battle with food isn’t the curse I’ve always thought it was? Maybe, it’s “the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy.”

Then, during prayer time this morning at the Developing Youth Leaders conference I am attending, another song came to me.

                Hungry, I come to you for I know you satisfy. I am empty but I know your love does not run dry. So I wait, for You. So I wait for You. I’m falling on my knees, offering all of me. Jesus you’re all this heart is living for.

I call that a “God thing.” He put that song in my head. And it all sort of came together for me.  When I am “hungry,” I have been running to food, but I’m not hungry for food, my soul is hungry for something else.  Oh, how many times have I ran to food when really I needed something else. Feeling sad? Chocolate.  Feeling bored? Chips and dip. Feeling frustrated with circumstances beyond my control? Big greasy cheeseburger.  But each and every time, I should have gone to God.

In the past 5 weeks, I am proud to say that I have not ran to food because of an emotion. I have prayed to God or started reading scripture. Now, I’m human. I make mistakes. I fail. I don’t expect that I am 100%, every single time going to remember to turn to God instead of food, but I have made a huge step in this journey. I have discovered the problem and am getting to the root of it.

Jesus you’re all this heart is living for.

Sometimes you need to see the whole picture..

How many of us have a list of “memory verses” that we know by heart? We pick and choose certain lines that give us that boost or encouragement that we need. But I am discovering more and more, that sometimes we need to get those verses in context, and see the bigger picture.

Thanks to a cute little song that we sing with the youth night kids at church, I have memorized Galations 5:22-23: But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

But when is the last time you read verse 24? The NLT says, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there.” Whoa. I must admit, it stopped me dead in my tracks.

Those who belong to Christ Jesus (that’s me, right? Well, that’s supposed to be me)….have nailed the desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. (Uh, have I done that? No? Hmmm…..)

I recall a time at one of the several spiritual retreats I’ve attended (Youth Councils, CBLI, something…) where we wrote down our sins/problems on a piece of paper, and then we came up on stage, and literally nailed them to a cross. It was a great moment.  But v. 24 says, “the passions and desires of my sinful nature.” You want to know what the desires of my sinful nature are? Chocolate. Buffets. Eating something because it tastes awesome but the rest of me feels like crap.

No more. I don’t have a actual cross that I can literally nail it to tonight, but I just got on my knees and I asked God to crucify the desires of my sinful nature.

Sweet Place of Breakthrough

In January 2008, a friend suggested to do a “biggest loser” competition among a group of friends, in which we all put in $25, and winner takes all! To make it fair, it was calculated by percentage lost instead of pounds lost. At that point in my life, I had a 19 month old daughter, and her high energy levels were taking a lot out of me! I knew that I needed to lose the weight, and since we were tight on cash, that monetary incentive was enough to get me to start. I joined sparkpeople.com to help me track my food/calories and my exercise, and I joined a local womens fitness place similar to Curves, and my motivation just kept up!

I started at 270, and by Feb. 25th I had lost 20 pounds and was feeling GREAT! And, it had seemed that several friends in the competition had lost their motivation and weren’t doing as well (we had weekly weigh-ins), and it dawned on me that I could win this thing! And you know what….I did! I remember having a conversation with a coworker who is also a great friend of mine (she was not in the competition), and she was amazed at my determination. I wasn’t sure where it came from, but I sure was motivated. I had hit that sweet place of breakthrough….that motivation kept me going, and kept me going strong. By the summertime, I was down to 220. I was feeling great. I remember being able to fit into size 18 jeans again. What an amazing feeling.

By the time September came around, my schedule really picked up, and I was having a hard time fitting the Fitness center into my schedule. And, during the summer, I relaxed a little bit on my eating habits as a “reward” for doing so well.  Well, as you might have guessed, the pounds started to come back on. In April of 2009, I found out that I was pregnant with my son, and my starting weight at that initial OB appt? 270. Back to where I started. Depression sank in. I could not believe that I was right back to where I started. Well, the emotional eating combined with the pregnancy, even more pounds came on.

I was so sad that I failed. I couldn’t understand how I had such a great breakthrough, yet still failed. But I am starting to understand it all now. I tried to do it alone. I didn’t ask for God’s help.

That’s why I really think its going to be different this time. I want to crave God instead of craving food. Whenever the cravings come, I either start to pray or turn to Scripture. I can’t say that I’ve come to that sweet place of breakthrough again this time, but I’ll get there. I know I will. God is on my side.