I am on a journey. And, this journey has no end. No, it’s a not a “weight loss journey” although when I started that’s probably what I would have called it. Because you know what, I don’t even have a scale in my house. It’s not about the numbers. I am not going to let a number on a cheap scale (or the expensive ones at the doctor’s office for that matter) define who I am.
This is a journey in discovering what I was “Made to Crave.”
I am not where I need to be just yet (I am only 5 weeks in) but I have gotten to a breakthrough point. A point where I can tell you about what is going on inside. Yesterday as I was reading my “Made to Crave” book, I came upon this question:
“What if this battle with food isn’t the curse we’ve always thought it to be?”
Double take. “What if this battle with food isn’t the curse we’ve always thought it to be?” (emphasis mine) Wait, huh? Uh, yes of course I’ve always thought it was curse. I have been cursing my innate desire for chocolate cheesecake for a long time now.
How many times have I gotten caught up in the “It’s not fair” lie? I may think to myself, its not fair that I just LOOK at a piece of chocolate cheesecake and gain 5 pounds, while skinny little so-and-so over there can eat all she wants and never gain a pound. I may say, its not fair that I have to work SO hard to lose weight (and then KEEP on working hard to keep it off!). But you know what, that skinny person has her own battles that I know nothing about, I just don’t even know what its like for her.
God made me the way that I am for a reason. He created me so that I would experience the consequences of bad food choices, so that I would continually be drawn back into HIS arms. God wants me to go to Him for emotional healing and comfort. And if I go to food for that, and never gain an ounce, well then, what would I need God for? There had to be a consequence for me always running to food, otherwise I would have never learned the lesson; I would have never made the decision to run to God when I am at my lowest points.
In thinking about this, I had two songs that came to mind. The first was “Blessings” by Laura Story:
What if our greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst, this world can’t satisfy.
We as humans were designed to have an innate craving. Different people crave different things. I crave food. But others may crave alcohol. Or shopping. Or sex. Whatever. But nothing in this world will satisfy us the way that God will! Let me tell you, I have many “achings of this life.” That brings me back to that question. What if this battle with food isn’t the curse I’ve always thought it was? Maybe, it’s “the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy.”
Then, during prayer time this morning at the Developing Youth Leaders conference I am attending, another song came to me.
Hungry, I come to you for I know you satisfy. I am empty but I know your love does not run dry. So I wait, for You. So I wait for You. I’m falling on my knees, offering all of me. Jesus you’re all this heart is living for.
I call that a “God thing.” He put that song in my head. And it all sort of came together for me. When I am “hungry,” I have been running to food, but I’m not hungry for food, my soul is hungry for something else. Oh, how many times have I ran to food when really I needed something else. Feeling sad? Chocolate. Feeling bored? Chips and dip. Feeling frustrated with circumstances beyond my control? Big greasy cheeseburger. But each and every time, I should have gone to God.
In the past 5 weeks, I am proud to say that I have not ran to food because of an emotion. I have prayed to God or started reading scripture. Now, I’m human. I make mistakes. I fail. I don’t expect that I am 100%, every single time going to remember to turn to God instead of food, but I have made a huge step in this journey. I have discovered the problem and am getting to the root of it.
Jesus you’re all this heart is living for.
Trying to Lose it for Life 
Our Creator made everything scientifically and mathematically perfect in nature, His most perfect creation was the amazing human body, which includes a unique sequence of DNA/RNA. The further time evolves, the more DNA we inherit. DNA has memory. You not only inherit the physical components of ancestry, but also battle with the mistakes, tragedies, and illness of your blood line. I am glad to hear you realize that being thin is not what makes someone content. Many of the thin people I know get up at 4 am to do a five mile run before work, while others eat chocolate cheese cake. Everyone has their own definition of success. You are a success. I was just out with a very good friend last night who is thin and gorgeous, has a big house, nice cars, and makes a lot of money. She is miserable. Her looks and fortune are not making her marriage better, nor is it making her important job less stressful. That’s just something I want to share with you as a reminder to go inside You and seek Him for guidance, but be proud of the right here and now in who and what you are, God has you right where he wants you. He always did and always will. We can’t change our DNA, but we can heal it with the power of the Holy Spirit. .
Lovely words Cassie! Such healing power and focus can be seen in your perspective. Keep up the good work and listen to your body and mind working together! So happy for you. 🙂
God knows the cry of your heart Cassie. The vessel that you have been given is a gift to carry the precious person that I’ve come to know and love. God has given you so many wonderful gifts to use for Him. Your creativity and a sharp intellect and as He teaches you all about yourself I pray that you will see what I see. A wonderful woman full of love for others, an amazing wife and loving mother who is full of compassion for her family and love for her God. Don’t be afraid of this journey Cassie. God will show you what He sees when He looks into your heart. If you believe Him you will never see yourself in the same way again.