Yesterday, I counted the things that I’m going to lose/change when I lose weight permanently. So now, why do I want to lose weight? Let me count the ways….
- For my kids – I want to be around for them for a LONG time
- For my husband – same as above
- To improve my overall health
- Because I only have 1 pair of jeans & 2 pairs of capri pants that fit right now
- Because Lily is only 4 & is already kinda overweight…I do NOT want her to follow in my footsteps
- I want my feet, knees, back to stop hurting
- To not have to shop in the Plus Size section anymore
- I really want to fit on all the rides at Harry Potter World next year
- Because I think, in general, people will think more highly of me if I’m not so fat
- Because I want to get out of the vicious “I’m fat because I eat, and I eat because I’m fat” cycle
Okay, some are really serious, some are just superficial. But here’s the deal, the honest truth. I want to lose this weight. I truly do. But as of right now, have I really taken a single step towards that goal (in regards to my eating & exercising habits)? NO. I am so scared of losing it & gaining it back again that I am afraid to proceed. I don’t want to fail. So how do I fix this?
Well, I think all signs point me in the same direction. That #1 step that “Lose it for Life” is telling me: surrender. I am imperfect, and deep down, I know, if I do it all by myself, I’ll fail. But God is perfect. And you know what? I know that HE wants me to do this too. Maybe I’m losing it (in this sentence, I mean my mind), but I’ve had a few instances of little angel on one shoulder and a little devil on my other. Every time I run to the freezer, and grab that pint of ice cream and a spoon after a bad day, I hear that nagging voice, “Don’t do it.” But I always give in to that other voice, “You know how GOOD this ice cream tastes, it will make you feel better.” God is trying to convict me of this, and I’m ignoring him. I have been avoiding talking to him much lately. Hmmm.
Tomorrow is Sunday. I’ll have a talk with the man upstairs. We’ll see what happens.