My hard work went down the drain

So here’s my story.

I’m a big girl. And I have been as long as I can remember. As a young teen, we had to buy my clothes from the women’s plus size department. So I am familiar with being the way I am. Really, its all I know. But I have gotten bigger over the years. And I KNOW its not healthy. I WANT to lose weight. But everyone out there will tell ya, its HARD. I can vouch for that. 

Two years ago, I lost a significant amount of weight. In 7 months, I went from 283 to 220. I put a LOT of hard work into losing that weight. I joined a gym, and I was gung-ho about watching what I ate. No “fad” diets, just your standard calorie-in, calorie-out deal. It was a fantastic time in my life. Every time I lost a few more pounds, the taste of success kept me going. I felt PROUD of myself. I bought a pair of size 18 jeans and they fit!

And then, I slowly stopped going back to the gym. I was “too busy,” but I kept telling myself that next month I would hop back on the bandwagon. And the next month passed, and another few pounds came back on.  Less than 1 year after I lost 63 pounds, I put 50 of them back on.

Then I found out I was pregnant. No sense in dieting when you’re pregnant. I mean, you’re supposed to eat for two, right? [yes, that was sarcastic]

My sweet little David was born Dec. 16, and my follow up visit with my doc had me at 276. Only 6 pounds more than when I was first pregnant, but still, I was so shocked with myself that I had ever gotten down to that wonderful 220 number.

I have not been on a scale since then. I don’t want to,  because I know its higher. I’m an emotional eater, and I had a case of the “baby blues” for a few months there.

So here I am now. I want to lose weight, but just not quite ready to take the plunge. All my hard work from 2 years ago went down the drain, and my thought is, why go thru all that hard work again, if I’m just going to put that weight back on again?  I watch the Biggest Loser tv show. It’s amazing the transformation some of those people go through.  But those of you who have watched that show, know that there are some people who go through that transformation, and still gain it back! This past season, Jillian brought up a very good point. Us fat people have an underlying reason why we are fat. And we can go thru the motions to change, but unless we deal with our issues, and try to figure out those underlying reasons, then we are never going to really change.

So there it is. I’m not ready to face my demons yet. But I’m close. This blog is helping me talk thru my feelings, and *hopefully* its going to work this time. Say a prayer for me, I need all the prayers I can get.

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One Response to My hard work went down the drain

  1. mom says:

    it is hard. it is very hard…but only hard to get started. the best thing you can do for yourself is snack on fruit, veggies, and nuts, instead of chips and such. that means don’t buy them. ever. yes it is more expensive to eat healthy. but you will find you eat less because your body knows how to metabolize natural things. when you eat preservatives and artificail items, your body works harder and gets confused, which makes you tired and even more hungry. trust me. while it seems expensive to buy fresh stuff…it is actually not since you buy less and eat less.

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